Top Ten TV Episodes of 2013

You know my fifty favorite TV shows of 2013. Here are my favorite individual episodes. Now, for the record, there are many, many more episodes I wanted to include – the fact that Hannibal, Bunheads, Bob's Burgers, Justified, Scandal, Arrested Development and 30 Rock are all excluded from this list pains me. But if I cracked the doors a little more this would suddenly go from a ten-plus-episode list to a hundred-episode list, so I had to keep this club just a bit exclusive. Starting with a few runners-up I couldn't not mention, then rolling right into the top ten (with episode blurbs adapted from what I previously wrote in my monthly Best TV Episodes lists):

Runners-Up (alphabetical by show): Fringe, Season 5 Episode 13 - "An Enemy of Fate," Futurama, Season 7 Episode 26 - "Meanwhile," Game of Thrones, Season 3 Episode 4 - "And Now His Watch Is Ended," Orange Is the New Black, Season 1 Episode 11 - "Tall Men With Feelings," Spartacus, Season 3 Episode 6 - "Spoils of War," Spartacus, Season 3 Episode 8 - "Separate Paths"

10. Arrow, Season 1 Episode 23 - "Sacrifice"
Arrow had hands-down the best network season finale this spring. "Sacrifice" almost had a Buffy's "The Gift"-esque hugeness in scale and sheer climactic feel to it as Starling City began literally crumbling under the influence of the season's overarching supervillain plot. And Arrow didn't just tell, but showed buildings collapsing and streets imploding and anarchy abound, and it was huge and frightful and awesome. The episode had operatic, outsized action and emotion and a twist that floored me in its final minutes. "Sacrifice" is exactly what a pulpy action/adventure TV serial should look like.
9. Parenthood, Season 4 Episode 13 - "Small Victories"
"Small Victories" was a fantastic, achingly emotional hour of Parenthood that "took on" the abortion issue by refusing to "take it on" at all, instead depicting something overly politicized as the deeply personal choice it is. And the relative heaviness of that story was balanced by a comedic B-plot about body odor and pubic hair that had me laughing embarrassingly loud. This episode succinctly sums up everything that is good and vital about Parenthood.
8. Breaking Bad, Season 5 Episode 16 - "Felina"

(Spoilers follow!) Part of what makes Breaking Bad great (and stand out in contrast against most attempts at "quality television" that have followed) is that, for all its darkness and misery and its focus on consequences and its character arcs of supreme, literary power, it can be a really, really fun show with thick veins of pulp running through it. Always has been, from Walt destroying Tuco's office with magic bomb crystals to several instances of cool guys not looking at explosions to the half-Terminator/half-Anton Chigurh Salamanca twins to Two-Face Gus Fring fixing his tie before dying. And it's in that spirit that one of dramatic television's great narratives ends with its protagonist building and deploying a Nazi-killing robot. Awesome!

7. Game of Thrones, Season 3 Episode 9 - "The Rains of Castamere"

After patiently holding it in for three years, being able to finally shout "RED WEDDING RED WEDDING RED WEDDING RED WEDDING!!!!!" at the top of my lungs across every corner of the internet felt so very, very good. I have nothing to add to the discussion surrounding this episode's infinitely-dissected final ten minutes (beyond one last good old-fashioned "Holy fucking shit!"), but even outside of that iconic, unforgettable sequence it was a great hour for the Jon Snow, Arya and Daenerys storylines too. It's an episode worthy of being called the spiritual successor to season 1's "Baelor."

6. American Dad, Season 8 Episode 18 - "Lost In Space"

Detaching entirely from the titular American dad and core Smith family, "Lost In Space" follows alien prisoner Jeff Fischer to a space station above Roger's home planet, where he tries to figure out how to escape captivity in a big, stylish, intergalactic musical action-adventure comedy extravaganza that might just be the year's most purely ambitious sitcom episode. It almost felt like a whole space opera compressed into 22 minutes (with jokes), complete with impressive alien design and massive, complicated "sets" that showed a hell of a lot of visual imagination. It had emotional depth and a bittersweet, melancholy ending you'd never associate with the MacFarlane animation empire.

5. Switched at Birth, Season 2 Episode 9 - "Uprising"

I mostly just think of ABC Family's Switched at Birth as a teen drama – a far above-average one, but just a teen drama regardless – so it was a pleasant surprise to see them produce this formally and emotionally ambitious hour. The students of Carlton School for the Deaf rise up in an occupation protest when the city moves to shut their school down, which is, except for a few spoken lines at the episode's beginning and one more at its end, depicted entirely in silence with nothing but subtitled sign language to better reflect the viewpoint of the deaf characters. It was unique and ballsy, but more importantly than having a great gimmick, it had a great gimmick rooted entirely in character, thematically relevant and tied to a strong emotional throughline.

4. Spartacus, Season 3 Episode 9 - "The Dead and the Dying"

Years ago I read about how the real historical Spartacus held his own gladiatorial games to honor a fallen brother, using captured Roman soldiers as gladiators, and I spent all of Spartacus: War of the Damned nervously eyeing the ticking-down episode count, wondering whether or not showrunner Steven DeKnight had just decided to skip this particularly juicy historical nugget. But it turns out, nope, he was just delaying our pleasure, saving one of the show's finest outings for its penultimate installment.

DeKnight tweaked history to bring our heroes into the action (rather than having the Romans fight each other, in the show they fight the former slave/gladiator main characters), and, to be blunt, it was deliriously fucking awesome. In a show that is normally one of the most thoughtful and contemplative and consequence-heavy on television in its depiction of violence, it was enormous fun to see an episode just kick back and let it rip with an hour of pure pump-your-fists-and-cheer-out-loud bloody spectacle for perhaps the first time since Gods of the Arena. Just awesome.

3. Breaking Bad, Season 5 Episode 14 - "Ozymandias"

The crucial flip side of Breaking Bad's deliciously pulpy essence – what raises it from entertainment to televised literature – lies in the darkness, the misery and the consequences on full display in "Ozymandias," which Vince Gilligan himself has declared his masterpiece and the best episode of the series. I'm not 100% sure I'm ready to go that far – I need to rewatch the entire series and see "One Minute" and "Full Measure" and "Crawl Space" and "Face Off" and "Dead Freight" again first – but it is as intense, brutal and harrowing an hour of television as I've ever seen. If "Felina" is the climax to Breaking Bad, the entertaining crime/thriller saga, "Ozymandias" is the climax to Breaking Bad, the bleak tale of a man losing his soul and the horrors he rains upon everyone around him. Beginning to end, "Ozymandias" is an episode about consequences, and karma brought its full fury against Walter White and his family in service of just that.

2. The Legend of Korra, Season 2 Episodes 7 & 8 - "Beginnings" (two-parter)

Easily the best episode (well, technically episodes, but they aired together and go together, so whatever) of The Legend of Korra to date and what would have to be in contention to be called the best episode of the entire Avatar franchise, "Beginnings" took us back to the prehistory of the Avatar world and showed us the life and genesis and battles of Wan, the first Avatar. And, as far as genre prequels go, let's call it the exact opposite of The Phantom Menace: Something great and beautiful and damn near perfect in every way. It enchanted me, it intrigued me, it thrilled me, it moved me, it left me both grinning like a dope and damn near on the cusp of tears. It's basically Korra's stab at a Miyazaki "concept episode," and it does Princess Mononoke proud.

If you were to pluck "Beginnings" from its home on TV and call it a movie, I don't know that I've enjoyed an animated film so much since... god, WALL•E, maybe? Very, very few episodes of television have made me feel giddy and excited and moved and just freaking in awe of the sheer potential of onscreen storytelling like this in years. Maybe ever. The animation? Beautiful, breathtaking. The emotion? Goosebumps all over my body. The action? Immensely badass. The sheer scope of its storytelling? It rivals entire epic fantasy narratives like The Lord of the Rings and Harry Potter in the space of about forty minutes of television. "Beginnings" is TV of mythic power. I love, love, love, love, love it.

1. Spartacus, Season 3 Episode 10 - "Victory"

I've already written and talked about 2013's finest television achievement at arguably excessive length and have little more to add on the subject. But I'll emphasize one last time that Spartacus' finale really had its cake and ate it too, providing a rich emotional feast and the conclusions to years of thoughtful character work and tying a totally satisfying thematic bow on everything while also remembering to give us a final battle sequence that made Game of Thrones' "Blackwater" look like the skirmish at the end of a Hercules: The Legendary Journeys episode. It's one of the best series finales and one of the best episodes of television I've ever seen.

Top Fifty TV Shows of 2013: #30 - 11

Alright, so things got a little hairy in the lower echelons of the #50-31 rankings last week. At points I actually felt more like I was writing a "worst of" list than a "best of." But you've reached the light at the end of the tunnel: While I may not consider the twenty shows below to have been among the ten best this year and I have my gripes about each, I can say with confidence that I like every single one of them. Let's get it started in here:

30. The Borgias (Showtime)

Best 2013 Episode: Season 3 Episode 10 - "The Prince" | New to List

Mix one part watered-down Game of Thrones with two-to-three parts The Tudors and you'll end up with Showtime's antihero Pope drama The Borgias, a show never exceptional but almost always pretty good. If you're looking for sex and violence and religion and scheming and sumptuous cinematography and set design and even a couple big battle sequences, it comes recommended, though with the caveat that it got canceled at the end of season 3 with no real, conclusive ending. The show has some problems, including the fact that it never convinced me our ruling-class heroes were the underdogs in any conflict it put them in, but I still wish I could see the fourth season that's never going to happen.

29. Awkward (MTV)

Best 2013 Episode: Season 3 Episode 20 - "Who I Want to Be" | Down 3 from 2012

Lauren Iungerich's droll, witty, energetic high school sitcom Awkward is unfortunately going to be entering its fourth season in 2014 absent one key ingredient: Lauren Iungerich. I'm unclear whether she quit or was pushed out, but one way or another Awkward is going to be missing its voice next year, which makes me fear we're in for a Community season 4 / Gilmore Girls season 7 scenario. But Lauren at least went out strong. Awkward season 3 remains far too obsessed with love triangles (my biggest problem with the show last year too), but takes its protagonist Jenna Hamilton through a dynamic emotional journey and wrapped up its season/year with one of the strongest, most moving episodes of the series.

28. The Office (NBC)

Best 2013 Episode: Season 9 Episode 23 - "Finale" | Up 8 from 2012

Like The Walking Dead and The Newsroom, The Office is this high on my list (and up from last year!) on the strength of exactly one episode: Its series finale. I don't think I'm being out-there or controversial when I say this show suffered massively from the loss of Steve Carell, but it remains an eternal fact of my own TV history that The Office was, for about a year or so, more or less my favorite show on television. Those emotional bonds can be fractured but are hard to shake entirely, and as such the emotion of "Finale" was felt deeply. Even Carell's return, while nice, ends up being largely incidental to the impact of the show's quiet and heartfelt final moments. There were literally dozens of Office episodes I found pretty damn bad by the end of its run, but it'll always be a show I remember fondly.

27. New Girl (Fox)

Best 2013 Episode: Season 3 Episode 8 - "Menus" | Down 4 from 2012

Weird fact: I consider New Girl's 2013 run to be superior to its 2012, yet somehow it's lower on my list this year. What's that about? Ranking pedantry aside, what I wrote last year still applies; New Girl was then and remains now "currently the best 'roommates in an apartment in the city' Friends-styled sitcom on the air." Hell, by an even bigger margin now that Happy Endings is dead. This year the show leaned heavily on the Ross/Rachel will-they-won't-they dynamic of Jess and Nick (and, as the above image indicates, answered it: they will), which isn't generally something I watch TV shows for or care about but in this case was mostly charming. Damon Wayans Jr. rejoining season 3 in a semi-regular capacity as Coach – last seen in the pilot! – has also been a boon to the show.

26. Homeland (Showtime)
Best 2013 Episode: Season 3 Episode 12 - "The Star" | Down 13 from 2012

A couple years ago, I reviewed the pilot of Homeland, calling it "the thinking man's 24." Roughly a year after that, I said that the show had lost what made it smart and different and essentially become "24 2." Now I'll offer a second amendment: Homeland is the pretentious man's 24; a twisty terrorism thriller that's mostly about cliffhangers and finding out who's gonna die next, only wearing a "moral examination of the war on terror" suit that, if you look closely, is cheap and ratty and barely holds together. Also, this season's Dana/Leo subplot is one of the shittiest things I saw on TV all year. All that said, the season finale "The Star" is a very good episode of television, one which thankfully has the balls to follow the show's story through to its only logical conclusion. If not for that episode Homeland would probably be ten ranks lower on this list.

Top Thirty TV Shows of Q1 2013

As a means to publicly organize my thoughts, here are, ranked mostly without commentary, my thirty favorite shows of the year so far based solely on episodes aired between January 1st and March 31st, 2013. I don't even like the first few shows on the list that much, so if anything didn't make the cut you can safely assume that either, one, I haven't seen it (Enlightened falls in this category), two, it hasn't premiered yet (Breaking Bad, etc.), or three, I don't like it. I've seen at least a little of pretty much everything, so most missing shows fall into category three (fuck you, The Following!).

30. The Americans (new)
29. Glee
28. The Office
27. Revolution
26. Archer
25. The Walking Dead
24. Nashville
23. Vikings (new)
22. Gravity Falls
21. Revenge
20. Hart of Dixie
19. Parks and Recreation
18. Happy Endings
17. Arrow
16. American Dad!
15. Game of Thrones *
14. Scandal
13. Switched at Birth
12. 30 Rock
11. Supernatural
10. The Vampire Diaries
9. New Girl
8. Community
7. Banshee (new)
6. Justified
5. Fringe
4. Parenthood
3. Bunheads
2. Bob's Burgers
1. Spartacus: War of the Damned

* I love Game of Thrones and give it a 99% chance of being higher than this on my eventual best of 2013 list. But its ranking here is predicated on a single episode consisting mostly of setup, which, considering, I think actually makes being at #15 pretty impressive.

Best TV Episodes, January 2013

10. Banshee, Season 1 Episode 3 – "Meet the New Boss"

Here's the first of three early 2013 TV surprises: Cinemax's new show, Banshee, a small-town sheriff drama with a little extra-violent zest, is pretty good! I call this surprising because Cinemax's first two attempts at real, non-porn series, Strike Back and Hunted, sucked (I know some TV critics are bafflingly trying to pretend Strike Back is some kind of awesome guilty pleasure, but no, it's just a crappy action procedural with boobs), but Banshee is both smarter and way more fun than either. I could have picked any of its three January episodes for this slot, but ultimately went with "Meet the New Boss" on account of one of the most kick-ass onscreen fights I've seen in some time.

9. Supernatural, Season 8 Episode 11 – "LARP and the Real Girl"

2013 TV surprise #2: While I've previously found Supernatural's cases of the week to be mere appetizers to the main course of its arc episodes, in season 8, that's been soundly reversed, with my favorite hours of the season so far – "Bitten," "Hunteri Heroici," and now "LARP and the Real Girl" – all being standalones. (Filler, even.) This episode brought back Felicia Day's Charlie Bradbury, maybe Supernatural's best still-living recurring character save Castiel, and found a spin on live-action fantasy roleplaying that was funny and silly without ever being mean or hurtful about it. Just a damn entertaining episode. Forty-two minutes of top-to-bottom enjoyment.

8. Switched at Birth, Season 2 Episode 4 – "Dressing for the Charade"

And finally, 2013 TV surprise #3: I'm pretty sure Switched at Birth has supplanted Bunheads as my favorite ABC Family show. I put Bunheads way higher on my best of 2012 list, and Switched at Birth's fall arc kind of sucked, so I didn't think that would ever happen. But here we are: Bunheads has settled into a fun but disposable groove, while Switched is continually bettering itself and deepening its exploration of clashing cultures and the odd, compelling family at its center. But don't let me make it sound too serious – this episode, involving a series of escalating farcical mishaps at an ill-advised dinner party, is some of the most purely fun TV of the year so far.

7. Bob's Burgers, Season 3 Episode 11 – "Nude Beach"

One of the million things that makes Bob's Burgers the best animated sitcom on TV right now (and, at least for my money, in years) is its unusually long memory for that genre. It isn't "serialized," per se, but a number seemingly one-off characters have popped up again, weeks or even months later, picking up their stories where they left off. And in that spirit, "Nude Beach" acted as a de facto part two to the very first episode of the entire series, "Human Flesh," with health inspector Hugo Habercore coming into conflict with Bob once again, only this time in the nude. It was both a hysterically funny half-hour and also surprisingly made Hugo, previously a fairly one-dimensional villain, into a rounded, sympathetic character. When it comes to having heart without ever getting treacly or misplacing the funny, Bob's Burgers reigns supreme.

6. Parenthood, Season 4 Episode 15 – "Because You're My Sister"

Many critics commented that Parenthood's fourth season finale almost stumbled over itself in a rush to wrap up every single loose plot thread into an excessively happy ending, just on the off chance this ends up being the series finale (though the ratings are high enough that probably won't happen, thank god). And they aren't wrong. But god damn if I didn't have the biggest, dopiest grin of pure joy on my face during the episode/season-ending montage all the same. This show. It makes me feel, man! It makes me feel!

5. 30 Rock, Season 7 Episodes 12 & 13 – "Hogcock!" & "Last Lunch"

I won't go too in-depth on 30 Rock's series finale, not because I don't have stuff to say but because approximately two million other online essays have already covered every facet imaginable. But I will say that from my live viewing of its October 11th, 2006 series premiere to Thursday's two-part series finale – which, by the way, makes this by some margin the longest-running series that I've followed in real time from its very beginning to its very end (shamefully, I think the runner-up on that account may be the four-season run of Heroes) – 30 Rock has never stopped being an immensely enjoyable sitcom, and this finale wrapped it up very nicely. But it's actually not my favorite 30 Rock episode(s) of the month!

4. Spartacus, Season 3 Episode 1 – "Enemies of Rome"

Already discussed this in sufficient depth. Spartacus is this high because it kicks unbelievable amounts of ass. End of story.

3. 30 Rock, Season 7 Episode 9 – "Game Over"

"Game Over" isn't just my favorite 30 Rock of the month, but my favorite of season 7 and a very real contender for my top ten of the series. In uniting Jack Donaghy's long-term nemeses Devon Banks and Kaylie Hooper in one final effort to have his job, this episode brought satisfying closure to stories that 30 Rock has been slow-cooking for nearly its entire run. The series of climactic reveals detailing how Jack actually played and outsmarted Devon and Kaylie all along was both hilarious and damn impressive plotting. Beyond all that, that's a series wrap on Leo Spaceman, suckers! Lenny Wosniak returns and embraces his true identity as Jan Foster! Megan Mullally cameo! An explosively great 22 minutes of comedy.

2. Parenthood, Season 4 Episode 13 – "Small Victories"

I wrote about this in some detail as well, but "Small Victories" was a fantastic, achingly emotional hour of Parenthood that took on the abortion issue by refusing to "take it on" at all, instead depicting something overly politicized as the deeply personal choice it is. And the heaviness of that story was balanced by a comedic B-plot about body odor and pubic hair that had me laughing embarrassingly loud. This show is great. Season 5, NBC? Please?

1. Fringe, Season 5 Episodes 12 & 13 – "Liberty" & "An Enemy of Fate"

The two-hour finale of one of the best sci-fi series ever, while tense, twisty and exciting, didn't miraculously leverage its modest budget into something resembling a summer blockbuster spectacular. The final, climactic action scene of the entire series ultimately boiled down to a shootout in a parking lot (with numerous sci-fi twists on its edges, of course, including but not limited to teleportation, telekinesis, and time travel).

But there are three important ways that the two-parter of "Liberty" and "An Enemy of Fate" nailed the landing. One, timing. This finale went down at exactly the right moment, after five fast-paced seasons of continually shifting status quos, character dynamics, parallel universes and alternate timelines. Fringe didn't die so fast as to be tragic ala Firefly, but it also never grew stale and didn't outstay its welcome for a second. Granted, this is more a comment on the entire series than these specific episodes, but still, it's going to be a big part of why I recommend Fringe in years to come.

Two, mythology. I don't want to go too into this right now, but needless to say Fringe is not Lost. Every plot thread was wrapped up coherently and satisfyingly, there aren't any egregious unanswered questions, and absolutely nothing was brushed aside as being magic. (I mean, obviously time travel is magic, but they explain it as science fiction with science fiction terminology. It's a subtle but really, really important distinction.)

And three and most importantly, emotion. The action in this episode may have been relatively TV modest, but on the emotional level it was an explosive, devastating, intensely moving two hours. The true climactic moment of Fringe was not an action beat but a single, four-word line of dialogue from Peter Bishop that completed a five-year character arc with stunning beauty that sent goosebumps up my arm.

And, as an added bonus, we now have a great series finale to point to when Lost fanboys still defending that show's abortion of an ending cough up the ludicrous argument that there was no satisfying way to wrap up a long-running genre serial with a complex mythology. (Angel and Avatar: The Last Airbender already soundly disproved this, but one more example is always welcome).

TV Obituaries, Vol. 1: January 2013

Pardon me if this sounds grim, but probably the best innovation of the contemporary television drama is that you're allowed to kill off major characters.

It's easy to take for granted in this post-Buffy, post-24 TV era of Game of Thrones and Boardwalk Empire and the like (hell, the new Fox show The Following was damn near marketed with the premise "Expect shocking deaths!" to victorious ratings), but this was a big, big innovation that really gave serialized drama the freedom to be bold and surprising and have real stakes in a way they just plain weren't allowed to for the first, oh, four decades of the medium's lifespan. Today a character death is simply one of the thousand tricks in the dramatic TV toolbox, not only accepted but a popular enough trope that fans can get restless and complain if a life-or-death-stakes serialized drama goes too long without one.

Thus my latest monthly feature, TV Obituaries. It's exactly what it sounds like: At the end of each month, I'll highlight prominent TV characters to kick the bucket since the last column. Obviously, even a TV nerd as pathetic as me doesn't watch everything, so I'm sure to miss major deaths here and there, but I'll aim for completion at least within the realm of shows I watch (and if people wish to let me know in comments who I've missed, I'll strongly consider adding them). Now let's get started with January 2013.

Spoilers follow for Fringe, Justified and Last Resort.

Best TV Episodes, December 2012

(I'm still a little burned out from writing my top fifty list, so I'm gonna keep this month's best episodes feature short and sweet. Look for me to return to my usual excessive verbiage in a month's time.)

10. Fringe, Season 5 Episode 9 – "Black Blotter"

Just a few hours shy of its likely grim and apocalyptic endgame, Fringe reminded us of its sense of humor in a winking episode fueled largely by Walter Bishop tripping on acid and building to a climactic Monty Python-esque animation sequence.

9. Arrow, Season 1 Episode 9 – "Year's End"

With the introduction of what seems to be its debut season's "big bad," Arrow took shape and found narrative focus in its last installment of 2012.

8. Last Resort, Season 1 Episode 9 – "Cinderella Liberty"

After slipping a bit episode by episode following an impressive pilot, Shawn Ryan's (soon-to-be-finished) naval thriller finally got the blood pumping in this tense, climactic hour, revolving around a hostage crisis at sea.

7. Parenthood, Season 4 Episode 10 – "Trouble in Candyland"

While this episode's focus on a more straightforward "antagonist" (Pamela Adlon's Marlyse, trying to shut down the Braverman brothers' recording studio) was a slightly odd change of pace for Parenthood, it came to a heartwarming conclusion that earned a huge smile. The episode also provided another strong, angsty showcase for Matt Lauria.

6. Boardwalk Empire, Season 3 Episode 12 – "Margate Sands"

A flawed finale in certain ways, but one thing's for sure: Richard Harrow rescuing Tommy was fuckin' fantastic.

5. American Dad!, Season 8 Episode 6 – "Adventures in Hayleysitting"

The sequence of graphic ultraviolence ending this episode was one of the darkest, funniest things I saw in any sitcom – animated or no – all year long. One of the best Steve and Hayley stories of the entire series.

4. The Vampire Diaries, Season 4 Episode 9 – "O Come, All Ye Faithful"

Capping off a half-season that occasionally felt stagnant, the final ten minutes of The Vampire Diaries' midseason finale assertively, violently reminded us that Klaus is not a Spike-esque lovable antihero or a grumpy harmless cartoon villain, but a full-fledged murderous bad guy, and thank god. Outside of the third season finale it's the show's best 2012 episode.

3. Homeland, Season 2 Episode 12 – "The Choice"

Was Homeland's second season finale dumb? Yes. Was it entertaining? Hell yes.

2. Fringe, Season 5 Episode 10 – "Anomaly XB-6783746"

Fringe did an awesome job raising the stakes in its final episode of 2012 and the fourth-to-last episode of the series, moving the greater plot forward and making damn sure that we sufficiently hate ultimate villain Captain Windmark going into the final stretch.

1. Bob's Burgers, Season 3 Episode 7 – "Tina-Rannosaurus Wrecks"

Tina very slowly crashing Bob's car is one of the most staggeringly fucking funny things I've seen on television in I can't even tell you how long. The rest of the episode ruled too, but seriously, that car crash is easily one of the greatest television scenes of 2012. (Also, I assume the #1 slot on these monthly best episodes lists is going to be dominated by dramas – especially as we enter this uncertain, Dan Harmonless fourth season of Community – so I'm going to leap on every opportunity to put a sitcom in the top slot.)

Top Fifty TV Episodes of 2012

Unlike my top fifty shows, which I found a very fun list to compile, picking my fifty favorite episodes of the year was agony. There were countless great hours and half-hours of television to choose from, and while I eventually whittled things down to about fifty (give or take a few pairings of back-to-back Mad Men and Game of Thrones and Legend of Korra episodes I lumped into single slots because I'm weak and cowardly), there were no less than twenty episodes of 2012 TV I adored and deleting from my rough draft list felt like chipping away pieces of my soul.
Also, I myself was surprised by what shows did and didn't find their way onto my final list. While all of my top ten shows are represented by at least one installment, a full seven of my #30-11 shows failed to make the cut (and, for the record, exactly one show of my #50-31 has an episode listed). All the same, both my fifty shows list and fifty episodes list are totally genuine and from the heart, so I guess it just goes to show that we're all bundles of contradictions. Or at least I am, anyway.

Final quick disclaimer: The bottom thirty or so of this list is all pretty arbitrary and could be mixed up in more or less any order and I'd still be ok with it, so don't take it too serious. Also, just for fun, I've placed asterisks next to episodes that are season finales (there are no series finales on the list, though there are three series premieres). Here goes:

Top Ten TV Shows of 2012

We come to it at last. The great top ten of our time. You could probably switch my #10 pick with The L.A. Complex or American Dad! and I'd be ok with it, but I feel very comfortable with the placement and ranking of my top nine, the nine shows you could whittle all of television down to and it'd still be my favorite medium. Best of all, though three are ending (one in January) and one lost its original showrunner, all ten of these shows are continuing in 2013. Enough foreplay, let's get down:

10. Justified (FX)

There's been grousing on these here internets about Justified's third season not quite measuring up to its phenomenal second, and I can agree with that. (I didn't see Justified season 2 until it hit DVD, but when it did I wound up shotgunning the entire season in two sittings; five episodes the first night, eight the next.) Though actor Neal McDonough did the best he could, season 3 antagonist Robert Quarles just wasn't up to snuff with season 2's legendary Mags Bennett.

But when it comes to the day-to-day of pulpy crime fiction, no show does it better. Seriously – it can tell a fine serialized story, but when it goes straight cop procedural, Justified leaves the entire rest of that genre choking on the exhaust of its superiority (with the only two other examples on this list being Awake at #25 and Longmire at #46, and TV's million other cop procedurals being way down below my top fifty).

Part of this is due to Timothy Olyphant's charisma, even more due to the show's redneck noir Harlan County settings, but the biggest contributor has to be its lineup of lovable white-trash villainy: Ever-scheming Dickie Bennett, poor dumb Dewey Crowe, and especially Walton Goggins' sometimes-villain/sometimes-ultra-dark-antihero Boyd Crowder, one of the most unstoppably watchable characters on all television. I wouldn't say he overshadows Olyphant to the same extent Ian McShane did on Deadwood, but three seasons in there remains a giddy, tingling thrill to every scene he's a part of.

Top Five Underrated TV Performances of 2012

Mad Men. Breaking Bad. Homeland. These are just a few of the many shows showered in critical acclaim and/or Emmy gold for their performances that I won't discuss here today in the only list I make denoting the best in 2012 TV acting, becausZZZZZZZZ. Oh, I'm sorry. Thinking about the monotony and sameyness of most TV criticism made me doze off for a second. But seriously, sometimes it's ok to acknowledge that other shows exist, and in that spirit I would like to highlight five TV performances I really enjoyed this year that are by and large going to go ignored by everyone else and sure as shit aren't going to be acknowledged by any awards organizations. Let's kick it off in the year 2036:

5. Georgina Haig as Etta on Fringe


When Fringe flashed forward without warning to the dystopian America of 2036, ruled by a race of psychic time-travelers called Observers and with the show's heroes nowhere to be seen, no-name Australian actress Georgina Haig was handed what was simultaneously the opportunity of a lifetime and a gigantic shit sandwich.

She had to step up as protagonist while the show's entire audience was wondering "What the fuck is happening? Who the fuck is this?!", delivering tremendous amounts of exposition about the show's new status quo and her own backstory and serving as the viewpoint through which we're introduced to a whole new world and several new characters, all while being a badass action hero and ending her first episode with a moment of tremendous, heart-rending vulnerability.

And she somehow pulled it off completely, creating a fully-formed character I totally invested in within 42 minutes. She was a great addition to Fringe in its final season, and I hope she can land on another show worthy of her talents come 2013.

4. Nick E. Tarabay as Ashur on Spartacus: Vengeance


There was a bit of a deficit in the villainy department as Spartacus entered its second proper season in January, and Nick E. Tarabay's Ashur – an important but ultimately background player in Spartacus: Blood and Sand and the prequel miniseries Gods of the Arena – stepped up tremendously. In a show where almost every key antagonist is either a wealthy Roman or, at the very least, a wealthy Capuan, Ashur is notable as being the one major bad guy who's a slave just like the heroes, and his scrappy, keep-alive-through-any-means-possible nature is a big part of what makes him so damn compelling.

This year, Ashur's big move to stay alive was convincing Roman praetor Gaius Claudius Glaber to put him in command of what was basically an anti-Spartacus black ops team, charged to stop the rebels through any means necessary, and how! Ashur slaughtered women and children. He raped. He pillaged. He had people crucified and tortured with a smile on his face. He betrayed other characters to their deaths at the exact second it became useful for him to do so. And Nick E. Tarabay did it all radiating slime and menace and perhaps even with a little more depth than such a character demanded.

More than King Joffrey on Game of Thrones, more than Moriarty on Sherlock, more than Gyp Rosetti on Boardwalk Empire, more than Windmark on Fringe or Nazir on Homeland or the Governor on The Walking Dead, Ashur was the TV villain to love to hate in 2012. Kudos, Tarabay.

3. Mae Whitman as Amber Holt on Parenthood


While Parenthood's official main characters may be the adult Braverman siblings played by Peter Krause, Lauren Graham, Dax Shepard and Erika Christensen, Mae Whitman as Lauren Graham's onscreen daughter Amber has been the show's secret weapon arguably since season 1. And in every way, too – she can nail a punchline (don't forget, Whitman is an Arrested Development/Scott Pilgrim alumnus), but when she cries, it's heartbreaking, and she throws herself into an onscreen argument like just about no one else I've ever seen. She sometimes got stuck in the show's more melodramatic corners in the first couple seasons (secret sex affair and running away from home in season 1, drug addiction and almost dying in a car accident in season 2), but Whitman always found the emotional truth in the situation, no matter how over-the-top.

But in this fall's fourth season, the Parenthood writers devised the masterstroke of pairing her up with Friday Night Lights' Matt Lauria as a returning Afghanistan veteran named Ryan. And when Ryan's doing good and the two are totally in love, it's probably the most heartwarming onscreen romance of 2012. But when she has to help him through a fellow veteran friend's suicide or when flashes of violence and alcoholism come out, it's deeply upsetting, and Whitman has been just explosively great with this material, knowing exactly when to play it big and when to play it small. Amber is very, very high up on my list of favorite TV characters right now.

2. Monica Potter as Kristina Braverman on Parenthood


Forget Claire Danes' collection of tics over on Homeland – Monica Potter was the TV actress to watch this fall. Probably the TV actress to watch in 2012, period, but I'm specifically focusing on fall because the Parenthood writers more or less decided to anchor season 4 of the show around Potter's character Kristina by giving her breast cancer.

Now what I'm praising here is really about half the writing, too, as the show has mostly (not entirely, but mostly) done a stellar job avoiding the clichés and pitfalls of the generic cancer arc, finding interesting new corners of the cancer experience to explore, but how staggeringly good Potter has been in the role nevertheless can't be overstated. She's had and excelled at some showier material – vomiting, crying, recording a weepy video for her kids to watch in case she dies – but she's also found some great quiet moments, such as when Kristina literally goes and hides to get away from the oppressive well-wishing and help with things she doesn't need help with people keep forcing on her.

There's even been light touches of comedy, too, such as in Kristina's new medicinal marijuana habit. Potter's been routinely heartbreaking this season, but even in the midst of that, her glassy-eyed, out-of-it announcement to her sister-in-law Julia that she's high in the middle of an otherwise unrelated conversation, after which she begins stuffing her face with candy, was one of the funniest TV moments of the fall. It's just a powerhouse performance, one of the best of 2012 in movies or television.

1. Andra Fuller as Kaldrick King on The L.A. Complex


While I understand and am not trying to denigrate the fact that it's a no doubt incredibly difficult thing millions of people go through, it's pretty hard for me to find the coming-out-of-the-closet TV narrative that interesting anymore. I've seen it and seen it and seen it, seen it played straight (no pun intended), seen it played with homophobic backlash to make it more dramatic, seen it subverted by no one caring, seen it played in the background of an otherwise unrelated sci-fi/fantasy story, seen it and seen it. For the most part I find myself wishing that shows would just have their gay characters be gay and that's that (see Spartacus and Happy Endings for two good examples).

But there's always the exception that proves the rule, and this year that exception was Andra Fuller as rapper Kaldrick King on the CW's pretty damn good and now frustratingly canceled behind-the-scenes-of-showbiz drama The L.A. Complex. If I recommend this nineteen-episode series to people in years to come, most of the reason why is going to be for the arc of this character (who was actually a supporting character in season 1, not even in the show's pilot, and didn't become a full-fledged main cast member until season 2).

Fuller had to throw himself into not one or even two but several personas of Kaldrick King throughout the series, including his public "thug" persona, the somewhat more subdued (but still outwardly heterosexual) version of himself he presents to his father and a few others he's close to, and his rarely-seen introspective, sensitive, and gay innermost self, though even that version can't come right out and use the word "gay," needing to resort to describing himself as a "faggot." (And then there's even combinations, such as the gay and thug persona we see a couple times).

And Fuller totally excelled at every single one of these personas, ranging the gamut from really scary to really heartbreaking. Just gripping, fiery, intense acting. I'd never heard of this guy before seeing him on this show, and his pre-The L.A. Complex filmography is frankly pretty godawful (eight credits, the three before Kaldrick King being single episodes of The Secret Life of the American Teenager, NCIS, and as "Room Service Guy" on Entourage),  but he gave quite possibly the best dramatic TV performance of 2012 that isn't Bryan Cranston or Jonathan Banks on Breaking Bad.

Best TV Episodes, November 2012

10. Boardwalk Empire, Season 3 Episode 10 – "A Man, a Plan..."

Because sometimes all it takes is a sufficiently shocking ending (WARNING: SPOILERIFIC IMAGE BEYOND LINK!) to make sure a TV episode spends the next week rolling around in your head.

9. Supernatural, Season 8 Episode 8 – "Hunteri Heroici"

Supernatural's season-spanning story arcs have undeniably deteriorated since they ran out the clock on their initial five-year blueprint, but it remains a show worth watching because of its willingness to be weird, creative, and experimental on a week-to-week basis. Season 8's first departure was in episode 4, "Bitten," a found footage werewolf flick, but I prefer "Hunteri Heroici," wherein a psychic stuck in front of a TV blaring classic cartoons inadvertently uses his powers to blanket his town in cartoon physics. Weird and funny in all the right ways, with a dollop of classic Supernatural blood and gore, it's a damn fun episode.

8. Parks and Recreation, Season 5 Episode 8 – "Pawnee Commons"

I gather from the internet that thinking anything is better than last month's episode "Halloween Surprise" makes me history's worst monster, but "Pawnee Commons" is the first Parks this season that has worked for me front-to-back; its first season 3-level outing. Pawnee and Eagleton (partially) bury the hatchet via cooperation on park development, Andy and April feud with and romance each other under the alter egos of Bert Macklin and Judy Hitler, and Tom's Rent-A-Swag subplot moves forward nicely (and far less stupidly than last season's Entertainment 720 subplot). Good laughs, good character work all around.

7. Fringe, Season 5 Episode 5 – "An Origin Story"

At its best, Fringe involves well-meaning people doing bad things for the right reasons (see: "White Tulip," "And Those We've Left Behind"), and the show's fifth and final season, until this point an enjoyable if fundamentally a bit frivolous sci-fi adventure story, at last took shape as Peter Bishop made an awful, thrilling decision in his quest for justice, setting the stage for the series' final arc.

6. Parenthood, Season 4 Episode 7 – "Together"

Parenthood is maybe the single TV show which my love for snuck up on me the most slowly – I used to think it of it as being just ok back in early season 1, which evolved into me liking it a little (late season 1/early season 2), then liking it a lot (mid-to-late season 2), then really adoring it (season 3), and now, in its emotionally rich, often achingly beautiful fourth season, it being the currently in-season show I most look forward to every week. "Together" was just another damn good episode advancing this season's arcs, most notably Kristina's battle with breast cancer, with rare grace.

5. Bob's Burgers, Season 3 Episode 6 – "The Deepening"

With Community on hiatus, no sitcom is currently operating on a level comparable to Bob's Burgers, and this Jaws parody/homage was the show at its absurdist best. Second strongest effort of the season so far, just behind the Halloween episode, "Full Bars."

4. The Walking Dead, Season 3 Episode 4 – "Killer Within"

I struggle to name many shows that have ever aired that I'm more hot and cold on than The Walking Dead. I loved the pilot, enjoyed most of the rest of the first season except for the finale, which was middling, then I thought its 2011 run was, without hyperbole, one of the worst shows of the year. Seriously. That farm arc was some awful fucking television. And now, bouncing erratically about the quality spectrum like a rubber ball, the show has found a new lease on un-life with the prison and Woodbury, and, in "Killer Within," put out the single best episode they've done since the series premiere. Yes, a lot of its greatness came down to the shocking deaths, but maintaining this level of tension and excitement for an hour deserves plaudits even sans major casualties. (And, to prove how hot and cold I am with this damn show, the very next week saw me struggling to stay awake.)

3. Fringe, Season 5 Episode 7 – "Five-Twenty-Ten"

Partially because it kicked ass all the way around and advanced Peter Bishop's journey into increasingly dark and fascinating territory, but, to be totally honest, mostly because a hypnotic episode-ending montage set to some kick-ass tunes (in this case David Bowie's "The Man Who Sold the World") remains one of the strongest TV tricks in the book.

2. Boardwalk Empire, Season 3 Episode 11 – "Two Imposters"

Arguably the strongest episode of an already very strong season, "Two Imposters" represents the greatest strength of quality serialized storytelling: That awesome moment when the seemingly disparate threads that have been methodically laid out all season come together and you at last see the big picture. All the better when said big picture involves an incredible episode-long chase sequence, punctuated with gunfire, exploding with excitement and laced with dread, as it does here as the final battle between Nucky Thompson and Gyp Rosetti, ten episodes in the making, begins. Just awesome.

1. Parenthood, Season 4 Episode 8 – "One More Weekend With You"

There was remarkably raw, humane work being done at every corner of this exceptional (even by Parenthood standards) episode, but, so as not to turn this space into a full-on review, I'll focus in on the storylines of Amber and Kristina.

Despite Mae Whitman's insanely great performance – one that should have been nominated for Emmys by now – the character of Amber has often been a touch underserved by the show's major arcs, especially in the first half of season 3. But by bringing her into the orbit of Matt Lauria's Ryan York, a veteran somewhat painfully trying to reintegrate himself into normal life, her character has been revitalized and become one of the absolute best on television. Late of Jason Katims' last show Friday Night Lights, Lauria is a pitch-perfect addition to the Parenthood universe, and even if the military funeral that anchored the Amber/Ryan story this episode did feel a touch reminiscent of the FNL episode "The Son," lightning struck twice, because it worked its magic on my heart yet again.

Meanwhile, the Kristina breast cancer arc took a pretty interesting detour into an exploration of medicinal marijuana, and this story, while not losing sight of a touch of humor here and there, was handled with a tenderness that I found fascinating. Even as someone who hasn't smoked pot in going on half a decade, I found the "climactic" scene of this story where Kristina smokes away her nausea to be one of the most beautiful TV scenes of the year. I honestly didn't even know you could show someone full on inhaling from a joint and exhaling pot smoke on network television – let alone multiple times and thoroughly enjoying it with no negative consequences of any kind – and I'm really curious if Katims had to plead with NBC upper brass to make it happen, but kudos to him for risking outrage from moral crybabies and sticking to his artistic guns.

Best TV Episodes, February 2012

10. The Walking Dead, Season 2 Episode 10 – "18 Miles Out"

By finally letting the long-simmering tension between two characters explode into fisticuffs then having a roaming horde of zombies bring the already intense scene to a logical boil, a series that often feels pathologically resistant to the dread and heightened emotion that should define its post-apocalyptic zombie world finally lumbered, itself zombie-like, back into the realm of dramatic relevance. The best episode of an otherwise disappointing second season.

9. Spartacus, Season 2 Episode 2 – "A Place in This World"

Between a moderately badass raid on a Roman villa by Team Sparty, the introduction of promising new character Nasir, and a fun (if mildly predictable) twist ending that brought an absent character back into the fold with a bang, this was just a good solid Spartacus outing.

8. The Office, Season 8 Episode 14 – "Special Project"

The Office had honestly come to feel even more bland and directionless without Steve Carell than I first feared when his departure was announced two years ago, but with "Special Project" the show introduced the Florida story arc that would split the cast in an interesting new way, introduce some fresh settings, and just generally grab a sedate show and shake it awake. It wasn't uproarious, but it at least set a lost ship on course, which alone warrants ovation.

7. Fringe, Season 4 Episode 14 – "The End of All Things"

Along with the stylish, creepy return of a villain from the show's distant past, the last episode of Fringe before a month's hiatus brought about an unprecedented advancement in Olivia Dunham's mysterious abilities, developed Peter's arc in a way that feels like its setting up the end of the season, and most importantly explained a four-years-in-the-making mystery with a concrete, satisfying, and above all science fiction answer that, after the magical fantasy mumbo jumbo of Lost's final year, was such sweet relief.

6. Parenthood, Season 3 Episode 18 – "My Brother's Wedding"

The generally excellent and tightly-serialized third season of Parenthood concluded with this literally-named finale which proved moving and funny in equal measure. A few of its resolutions to long-running storylines were a bit too pat, but among other excellent qualities it featured a grown man dumping a bowl of salsa over another grown man in anger, one of the most admirably understated, zero-angst teen virginity loss storylines I've seen on TV, and had Derek Phillips (Billy Riggins from Friday Night Lights) playing a character named Billy who behaved exactly like Billy Riggins. Hard to argue with that.

5. Parenthood, Season 3 Episode 17 – "Remember Me, I'm the One Who Loves You"

... However, it wasn't quite as good as the episode immediately preceding it, which impressively scored its seven-minute final act to more or less the unbroken entirety of Death Cab for Cutie's "Transatlanticism," a deeply moving montage of scenes cut together with the gradually crescendoing emotional power of a superb music video. Powerful performances from Erika Christensen and Rosa Salazar in this episode too.

4. Spartacus, Season 2 Episode 3 – "The Greater Good"

"The Greater Good" brought the three-episode arc of Team Sparty's initial mission in Spartacus: Vengeance to a heart-pounding climax. Spartacus and crew took aim at their biggest Roman target yet in a sequence that appeared to stretch the show's budget for special effects, new sets, and fake blood, and damn, did they pull it off. And if that weren't enough, the episode featured the reunion of Oenomaus and Ashur, a harrowing sequence in which secrets years in hiding came out and altered key character relationships forever.

3. 30 Rock, Season 6 Episode 8 – "The Tuxedo Begins"

Proving that it's still got some wind in its sails even past its hundredth episode, 30 Rock embraced its most joyously goofy instincts with this four-years-late (or five months early, depending on how you look at it) Dark Knight parody, wherein Liz gradually becomes Heath Ledger's Joker and Jack Batman over the course of twenty deliriously absurd minutes, with a climactic rooftop confrontation that would make Chris Nolan proud. Even Jenna's romance with the cross-dressing Paul, a story I thought had a near-supernatural ability to destroy all comedy in episodes past, found a new angle that actually made me laugh out loud. Funniest sitcom episode of 2012 so far.

2. Fringe, Season 4 Episode 12 – "Welcome to Westfield"

A huge, twisty, ambitious disaster film in every way except for not being feature-length, "Welcome to Westfield" is my favorite episode of Fringe's fourth season and on my shortlist of best episodes of the series. Our heroes happen to be in exactly the wrong town at exactly the wrong time as it begins to blink out of existence, its city limits warped in space and time such that leaving is literally impossible. It only gets worse when horrifying, psychotic semi-humans with multiple faces on one head begin attacking as Walter and crew desperately try to figure out what's happening and how to save themselves and the few remaining townspeople from the consuming nothingness.

The production values are awesome, the action scenes intense, the whole thing huge and imaginative and massive in scale and better than almost any actual disaster film I've seen in years (talking to you, 2012!). But even amongst all this, the otherwise standalone episode still finds time to advance the season arcs of its central heroes, particularly Olivia, as memories of the lost blue universe begin flooding their way back into her mind. When you mix the epic and the intimate this well, that's just spectacular television.

1. Spartacus, Season 2 Episode 5 – "Libertus"

If "Libertus" were the tenth episode of Spartacus: Vengeance rather than its fifth, it might just go down as one the best, most utterly climactic season finales I've ever seen. I don't know that I would place it above Spartacus: Blood and Sand's finale, "Kill Them All," but if not it's just one small step down. I can't even believe they did something this goddamn huge just five episodes in. As is, its place at the season's midpoint speaks to the depth of Spartacus showrunner Steven DeKnight's ambition and sweeping vision for this project.

I know I'm being purposefully vague as hell, but for real, what goes down at the end of this episode is some of the most insane shit I've seen on television in years, and I don't want to give anything away lest any unconverted reading this take my word and catch up on this great show down the line. I'll just say that it's huge, fiery, violent, destructive, contains the deaths of no less than three major characters in a five-minute span, and generally had me gaping awestruck at what was unfolding before me. A truly badass sequence that I'm dying to see whether or not this show can ever top again.